Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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