hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
