I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
