careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
