You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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