glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He passed out mid-signature
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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