I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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