this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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