my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
