come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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