I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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