You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
