Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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