My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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