I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
