so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
