Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Text me some of your sweat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
