I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
