watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
