You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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