Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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