Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
