He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
