is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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