oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
