So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
