So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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