I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
