:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
