May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
