highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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