i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
