if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
