I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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