I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
