i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
