dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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