i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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