I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
whose parrot is this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have aggressive nipples.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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