Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
