you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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