he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize