The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
