I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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