somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
