You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
pop tarts are not kleenex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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