I bet he comes in French.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
