We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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