dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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