dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No subtext here. People are naked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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