there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
