Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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