Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
