her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
