Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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