i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
