Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
