I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
