what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
