tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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