Umm I'm too high to move.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
