dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
