Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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