I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
