cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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