We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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