My sheets look like a crime scene.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
