I seem to have left my pride at pride
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
