We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
