Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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