Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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