I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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