Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
