dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
