I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
